Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
