haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
