just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
