It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
