My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
