Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
