Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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