you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
