I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
