I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize