We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
