ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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