Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
