i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
