I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
