I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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