If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
