That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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