But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
