i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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