Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
