so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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