ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
