Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
