after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
