I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MIDGETS
????
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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