i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
