saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
