She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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