She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
