last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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