I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
