Porn is love you can see.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
