HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize