We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
