jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
