Can i not drive my cunt home
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
