She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize