dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
