I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
