Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
