He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
