Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
