My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
