tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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