i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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