Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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