This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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