Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Randomize