just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
