she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
