I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come see our sink grown plant.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
