i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
