I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize