he wants to bone in the snuggie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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