how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
