I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
