I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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