Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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