I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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