Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
