We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
