I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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