forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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