I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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