apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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