if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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