i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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