I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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