dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
