May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
