Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
