i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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