and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
