My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
